Category: Time

The Theory of Pie

In the past, people often thought the universe was unchanging and eternal… at least until the invention of the pie. Philosophers, after Plato, thought this world was somehow an imperfect copy of some ideal existence. This world was a mere shadow cast on the cave wall, of the perfect world. But as Francis Bacon discovered centuries later in one of his earliest true scientific experiments, putting pasty around some meat changes everything. Although, the Greek philosophers, notably Heraclitus, had first noted that people rarely wanted to eat the same meal twice in a row. So, shoving some meat, veg and…

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The Philosophy of Bacon Sandwiches

‘Each donkey is unique in its own way. Then again so is each mandolin. However, approaching the wrong donkey with the wrong mandolin is not recommended. Nor – for that matter - is approaching the right donkey with the wrong mandolin.’ As many of those who have studied philosophy will recognise, those are the words of the great post-neo-realist prephenominalistional philosopher Bert ‘Bert’ Presupposition. Not only did Presupposition come up with what is undoubtedly the greatest examination of the complex relationship between donkeys and mandolins in the whole of philosophy, he also claimed with evidence to back up his claim,…

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A Domestic Goddess

Obviously, it was not what was originally envisaged. But, as you probably know, very few of these things are, especially not if that original envisaging is mostly instigated through the medium of advertising. Once an old advertising slogan went along the lines of ‘it does what it says on the tin.’ Mostly though, things have a tendency not to, especially these days. After all, most of us know that advertising doesn’t work and we know that we – in particular – are too wise to fall for its blandishments. We have seen it all, by now, and seen through all…

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A Real World Out There?

This world is not the world I remember. It has been some years, how many I do not know. But it goes beyond that. Changes over the time I’ve been away I could expect and understand. But this – these changes – go beyond mere alterations made by the passage of time. Something fundamental is different from this world to the one I left behind. It should be a matter of subtracting the year I left this world from the current one to give me an idea of how much time I lost while I was… away. But the calendar…

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How Cheese Made Civilisation Possible

Many people these days are familiar with how evolutionary psychology has shaped the human mind. For back in the early years, when humans were small groups of hunter gatherers, there was little or no naturally occurring cheese to be found. Those who did discover the natural cheese deposits began to mine it and develop the various stone tools that archaeology has shown were used to mine the cheese. Although rather primitive by today’s cheese mining technology, those early stone tools enabled many of these small bands of hunter-gatherers to settle in places where the cheese could be mined. Originally, archaeologists…

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Tears of Sadness, Tears of Joy

We did not know why it happened. It felt like any other time. The years rolled on much as they always had, and – we assumed – always would. The young were born, they got older, and if disease or other misfortune did not tear them from us, they married, had children of their own and then the gods called them back to the Old World. Or, at least we thought they did. Now we know. Now we know that the stories told about the gods, the stories passed down by the elders from generation to generation were not true.…

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A Dirty Mind

‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘I’ll think of something.’ ‘Oh.’ She shuffled her feet and gave me one of those looks. ‘What’s that mean?’ I said. ‘What’s what mean?’ ‘That look.’ ‘What look?’ ‘The sort of look a woman gives a man when she’s expecting him to make an arse of himself, or worse an arse of her.’ She was watching me carefully. I thought about naming her. I should have done it before I’d started writing her, so I could have begun with identifying her as a specific person. ‘A sensible one this time.’ ‘What?’ I was beginning to wonder…

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As I Was Saying Only the Other Day

Maybe it is not always that simple, especially when you think about all the other things there are to think about, such as…. Well, we’ll leave that to one side for the moment while we get on with whatever it was we were about to do. That is the trouble. As you get older, you start to forget about… whatever it was I meant to say here… probably something about memory. It usually is these days, or so I seem to recall anyway. That’s the trouble with a bad memory, remembering just how bad it is. After all, it could…

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21st Century Political Theory

Parkingspace Bewlideredswan is probably the world’s leading 21st-century political theorist. Political Science up until the middle of the Twentieth Century assumed that there was some point to politics. However, as events in the late 1970s proved, Left Wing political theories although they did sound nice, never did or could work. Alternatively, it was demonstrated over the following few decades that Right Wing political policies only buggered things up in different ways to those inept policies from the Left. As more and more people realised that politics was at best useless and at worse caused more harm than good, many decided…

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A Surfeit of the Middle Ages

Although born in the late Middle-Ages, Palfrey Surfeit became one of the most famous proto-scientists and artists of his – and all – time. Surfeit astounded the scholars of the period when he discovered that women were naked under their clothes. He also proved the moon was not actually made of the navel lint of angels as was commonly believed back then. The natural scientists of the time, following Aristotle, were aware that there were - in theory - such things as naked ladies. After all, they believed the first woman, Eve, was naked in the Garden of Eden. But…

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