Category: Services And Shopping

Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making

Still, I suppose you know what llamas are like. Most people these days have at least some familiarity with what was once regarded as exotic wildlife - at least in places far from their natural habit – through the medium of the TV nature documentary. Although, even these days, there are still some people who are surprised by the llama’s natural antipathy towards any form of bureaucracy. Many wildlife programme-makers have been somewhat lax in this regard, and not just with llamas. Often, they prefer to fill their programmes with sweeping panoramas of herds migrating across the great plain in…

Continue reading →

The Device and its Uses

Sometimes it is easier to tell which way up it is by the noise it makes. But having said that, be careful to always replace it back on the stand provided. After all, you don’t want to get the blame when one of the attachments falls off and rolls under the bed when she is in the throes of… well, you get the picture. Or you should do if you have set up the integral camera properly. Although, many users have suggested you use the automatic settings that compensate for motion blur, especially if attempting to use video. Otherwise, as…

Continue reading →

The More Advanced Fruit-Based Sexual Perversions

We have mentioned fruit-based perversions before, but for those wishing to further their understanding of these more esoteric deviations today we are going to examine some of the more advanced fruit-based sexual perversions. Such deviations as the Loganberry Run and the Strawberry Feel are, quite evidently, more for the summer months. This is especially so in the case of the Loganberry Run where the loganberry bowler will need a long run up before bowling the loganberries. That is if the receiver is to get the full erotic benefit from the event. With the Strawberry Feel, of course, the long light…

Continue reading →

At Least in Theory

Obviously it wasn’t quite as green as she made out… at least not in a certain light. After all, she did specify a fresh one, rather than a ripe one. So she can’t complain. Well, she can – and often does - complain. Often the complaints are not necessarily about things that are not my fault. At first, I do believe they are not my fault. But like those communist self-criticism meetings, eventually I do discover, through her thorough and expert analysis of all the factors, that it was – indeed – my fault all along. Then it is just…

Continue reading →

The House of Ill-Repute

‘So, what can I do for you… gentlemen?’ The woman stood arms folded just inside the doorway. Sergeant Henk looked over his shoulder. The rest of the squad sidled away from the doorway towards the corner of the street. Sergeant Henk glanced over his other shoulder. ‘Sir?’ ‘What now, Henk?’ The new captain sauntered across the road from under the tree where he was sheltering to keep the rain off his new breastplate. The captain’s armour shone, even in the flickering light from the torches outside the house. Mrs Granch… er… the lady of the house wants to know what…

Continue reading →

Open-Air Orgies And Their Drawbacks

Spring is now upon us and I trust you all (both of you) have your sexual arousal spatulas fully-oiled (with turbo-weasel spleen oil) ready for the new season’s round of orgies. It will not be long now before the open-air orgy scene begins in earnest*. Although open-air orgies seem to embody so much of the rural idyll, they, like most Arcadian fantasies differ in the reality a good deal from what you urban ‘sophisticates’ so naively imagine. Most obvious, I suppose, is the danger of exposing your nether regions and intimate delicate parts in the general vicinity of several forms…

Continue reading →

The Wheelbarrows of Perversion

Of course, it is not necessary to keep the post-orgy wheelbarrows solely for taking home those that have found themselves overcome by the end of the evening’s activities. For there are many garden-related perversions that can easily be adapted for the village hall orgy, except, perhaps, not the Forced Rhubarb Undertaking which is best left for those that are more familiar with a good mulching. Initially the wheelbarrows can transport certain garden fetish and perversion accessories to the village hall, such as trellising, patio furniture and – of course – not forgetting the essential bird table, vital for such garden…

Continue reading →

Always Remember His Name

Another day, another scene. Or, if he was unlucky enough, and the writer got into the flow, a complete bloody chapter. He was getting too old for this. Back when he started, it seemed like an exciting career choice, glamorous and sexy. To be the protagonist in action thrillers seemed like the dream job. After all, his father had been the man in maths problems. True sometimes he played a farmer, a train driver, a builder or some similar character. But all he did was carry improbable loads from one place to another, build awkwardly shaped houses, plant crops in…

Continue reading →

Splodge & Sons Sex Aids Catalogue: Spring 2018

I have, this very morning, received a press release in which Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789) are pleased to announce their new range of sexual aids for Spring 2018. Not only do they have a whole new range of Eco-friendly sex aids, building on their previous range, they have also updated their best selling Throbbing Weasel 90000, which, as you probably know, is modelled on our very own Little Frigging In The Wold blacksmith, and volunteer fireman, Strom Thighhammer. The Throbbing Weasel now has a brand-new Hyper-Naughtiness setting, which according to…

Continue reading →

News from the University of Little Frigging in the Wold

I am surprised, humbled, pleased - and slightly aroused – to announce formally that I have been made Emeritus Professor of Applied and Theoretical Orgiastics at the University of Little Frigging (formerly the small cowshed at the back of Trouser-Quandary farm). This will enable me to pass on to a new young generation of putative perverts and deviants all that I have learn, speculated wildly, and sometimes completely invented about the wonderful varied - and hopefully, moist - world of perversion, especially in regard to the more theoretical aspects of the Orgiastic Arts and sciences. The rapid expansion of higher…

Continue reading →