Category: Myths and Legends

The Mystery of the Disappearing Queen

‘You missed a good story in the inn last night.’ Helm shrugged. ‘I have little time for storytellers. They’re all liars.’ Tolg sat down beside the shepherd, both watching the sheep. ‘Oh, this storyteller is new. He hasn’t visited our village before.’ Helm muttered his thanks as Tolg passed him the wine bottle. Helm drank deep; watching sheep was a thirsty business. ‘Anyway,’ Tolg said. ‘This storyteller told us a new tale - about the Queen of Amboria.’ Helm stopped drinking. ‘Where?’ ‘Amboria.’ ‘Never heard of it.’ Helm swallowed, even though he was clutching the bottle in both hands where…

Continue reading →

The Philosophy of Bacon Sandwiches

‘Each donkey is unique in its own way. Then again so is each mandolin. However, approaching the wrong donkey with the wrong mandolin is not recommended. Nor – for that matter - is approaching the right donkey with the wrong mandolin.’ As many of those who have studied philosophy will recognise, those are the words of the great post-neo-realist prephenominalistional philosopher Bert ‘Bert’ Presupposition. Not only did Presupposition come up with what is undoubtedly the greatest examination of the complex relationship between donkeys and mandolins in the whole of philosophy, he also claimed with evidence to back up his claim,…

Continue reading →

How Cheese Made Civilisation Possible

Many people these days are familiar with how evolutionary psychology has shaped the human mind. For back in the early years, when humans were small groups of hunter gatherers, there was little or no naturally occurring cheese to be found. Those who did discover the natural cheese deposits began to mine it and develop the various stone tools that archaeology has shown were used to mine the cheese. Although rather primitive by today’s cheese mining technology, those early stone tools enabled many of these small bands of hunter-gatherers to settle in places where the cheese could be mined. Originally, archaeologists…

Continue reading →

Tears of Sadness, Tears of Joy

We did not know why it happened. It felt like any other time. The years rolled on much as they always had, and – we assumed – always would. The young were born, they got older, and if disease or other misfortune did not tear them from us, they married, had children of their own and then the gods called them back to the Old World. Or, at least we thought they did. Now we know. Now we know that the stories told about the gods, the stories passed down by the elders from generation to generation were not true.…

Continue reading →

Long Live the… King

‘Your Majesty,’ Menvin bowed low. ‘The king is dead.’ ‘Oh.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘There will be a period of mourning, no doubt?’ ‘Of course, your majesty.’ ‘Then after that… my coronation. How long will it be?’ ‘Er….’ Menvin shifted from foot to foot, his eye caught by a detail on a tapestry behind Shilen’s head. ‘My coronation? When will I be crowned king, Menvin?’ Shilen got up from the chair and took a step closer to the Lord High Councillor. ‘Well?’ ‘There is a problem, majesty?’ ‘What sort of problem. I am next in line, am I not?’ ‘Hmm.’ ‘Are you…

Continue reading →

Damsons in Distress

‘Is it worth it?’ ‘I… what do you mean?’ The squire shifted the load on the tired old packhorse. The horse gave the squire a long-suffering look. The squire turned back to Sir Pokeabit. ‘This going on a quest… is it worth it?’ ‘Worth it? There are dragons to kill, damsons to rescue, treasure to find.’ ‘Did you say damsons?’ ‘No, of course not.’ Sir Pokeabit looked down at his thigh. There must be some way of scratching it without having to take the armour off again. ‘I said damsels.’ ‘Damsels, what are they?’ ‘Well-‘ Now his other thigh was…

Continue reading →

Free Kindle Humour Novel: In the Beginning

In the Beginning   FREE for the next five days. Get it here (UK link), here (US link), or here (universal link) In the Beginning It’s a God’s life. Albert Meadows, recently made redundant and tired of his disappointing life, is looking to make a new start and is desperate to find something worthwhile to fill his time. So, what could be better than creating a brand new universe of his own, in his garden shed? But, when he introduces intelligent life to his new universe, things don’t turn out as he planned, especially when the tribes on his planet each…

Continue reading →

Balancing the Budget

‘Ma’am?’ ‘Yes, What is it?’ Queegella did not look up. It was the end of the tax year and her department’s budget for the next fiscal year needed finalising. She looked up now. Hellitron stood in the doorway. Maybe Queegella thought, there was a cost saving there in her doorway. She made a note. ‘Ma’am?’ he repeated. ‘This better be important, Hellitron.’ He swallowed, at least his left head did. His right head glanced nervously over his shoulder. ‘I… we think it is… important, that is.’ ‘And?’ She tapped a claw on the desk. Hellitron was pretty, though, and she…

Continue reading →

A Historical Bent

Those of you of a historical bent will no doubt be aware that these days you can get an ointment for it. Not only that, you will no doubt be familiar with the legend of Lady Godiva of Coventry. However, you may not be aware of a similar historical figure from the annals of the history of Little Frigging in the Wold that we have just made up in order to attract more tourist and their money that recent research in the History Department (formerly the chicken shed) at the University of Little Frigging recently uncovered. Here we speak of…

Continue reading →

One Last Time Around

It was dark. Dark and wet. Although, by now the rain had stopped. It was chilly too, now that summer was turning slowly into winter. ‘It’s dark.’ ‘Yes,’ Signaur agreed. ‘And wet.’ ‘Yes.’ Signaur hissed. ‘I’m supposed to be being quiet.’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘It’s-‘ Signaur turned. ‘Who are you?’ He turned a bit more. ‘Where are you?’ ‘Ah.’ ‘Ah. What’s that supposed to mean?’ ‘It means,’ said the voice from somewhere in the shadows of the alleyway, ‘that it is not quite that simple.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Signaur peered into the darkness and saw more darkness. ‘Who are you?’ ‘That’s…

Continue reading →