Category: media

The Great Trailer Mystery

Everyone knows that trailers ruin TV programmes by showing all the good bits and destroying narrative tension. For so long now, people have wondered why this happens, despite the number of times viewers have complained about both showing trailers and the ubiquity of them. Many trailers only show all the good bits – for example, all the funny bits in an alleged ‘comedy’ programme. They also often spoil the programme they are attempting to advertise by showing too much of what happens in each forthcoming episode. What is worse is the TV channels now routinely insert Coming Up Next Time,…

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Going for a Walk

Far be it from me – about 1473 miles as the crow flies providing there is no French air traffic control strike – to make any such claim as to the veracity of what is about to be now undertaken. But occasionally these things need to be aired and aired in public. That is what she more or less said to the judge anyway. He - being of a more open frame of mind than the judiciary were once renowned for - agreed there was some merit to her claim. However, he said that such open and frank displays could…

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The Naked Gardener

Now world-famous for trimming her bush live on BBC3.142’s Naked Gardening, Herbaceous Seedling has become a horticultural media sensation. Countless millions of viewers have watched her uncanny prowess with handling a dibber on web video Sites. Her naked gardening DVDs have outsold not only the top-selling porn DVDs but also the recordings of semi-naked actors doing a bit of sweaty scything in historical dramas set in Cornwall. Many TV critics have put Seedling’s success down to the way her buds are always perky during filming, and how she holds the camera’s attention even when bending down for a bit of…

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New Home Secretary in Billy Connolly Tribute

New Home Secretary performs his tribute to Billy Connolly’s incontinence pants routine outside the Home Office Yesterday the newly-appointed Home Secretary in the UK government celebrated his new position by performing a tribute to what he called ‘my favourite comedy routine’. ‘As we all know,’ the new Home Secretary said. ‘Billy Connolly's immortal comment 'The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one. Don’t vote, it only encourages them.’ sums up everything a normal person feels about politicians and politics.’ The Home Secretary added ‘So on becoming Home Secretary I decided I’d perform Billy’s…

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Splodge & Sons Sex Aids Catalogue: Spring 2018

I have, this very morning, received a press release in which Splodge & Sons (Purveyors of Marital and Sexual aids to the gentry since 1789) are pleased to announce their new range of sexual aids for Spring 2018. Not only do they have a whole new range of Eco-friendly sex aids, building on their previous range, they have also updated their best selling Throbbing Weasel 90000, which, as you probably know, is modelled on our very own Little Frigging In The Wold blacksmith, and volunteer fireman, Strom Thighhammer. The Throbbing Weasel now has a brand-new Hyper-Naughtiness setting, which according to…

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Interesting Things 12/02/2018

  A miscellany of links I found interesting recently: Primate Politics Analysis - Professor James Tilley finds out what we can learn about politics from the power struggles within chimpanzee groups and how our evolutionary past may affect the political decisions that we make today: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09cympw No, Postmodernism is Not Dead (and Other Misconceptions): https://areomagazine.com/2018/02/07/no-postmodernism-is-not-dead-and-other-misconceptions/ The History of sedan chair racing in Port Naain: https://wp.me/p6vUgk-eB Why Blocking Ads is About Security, and Always Has Been: https://the-digital-reader.com/2018/02/05/blocking-ads-security-always/ Grid Girls and Puritans: http://quillette.com/2018/02/09/grid-girls-puritans/ Dilbert Comic Strip by Scott Adams: http://dilbert.com/strip/2018-02-11 Our state-run healthcare model makes winter crises inevitable: https://iea.org.uk/our-state-run-healthcare-model-makes-winter-crises-inevitable/ Trust the people…

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Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions

Recently the world of entertainment has been rocked by reports of the increasing problem of celebrity wardrobe malfunctions. For example, there was an incident at the last Oscars ceremony where celebrities gathered to give each other meaningless statuettes. The assembled stars - and the fans who had come along to gawp at them - were shocked to hear that the world’s leading film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, would not be appearing at the award ceremony that night. Apparently, earlier that evening, as Pumpkin Dropincentre prepared to select which designer dress she would promote that night, the door fell off her wardrobe.…

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Christmas Charity Appeal

The world’s most famous film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, was yesterday announced as the face of a brand new charity. This new charity has been set up to help counter what has become one of the most serious problems of the modern age. As Dropincentre herself said at the launch of the new charity, ‘for far too long now the henchmen and minions of the world’s greatest villains have been cruelly slaughtered – sometimes in their hundreds – by the heroes and superheroes in films. Not a thought has been given to those women left widowed, and those children left orphaned…

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UK Government Announces New Science Strategy

Yesterday, the UK Government announced that from next year it will begin closing all scientific research establishments and cut all science research funding for British universities and other research projects. Instead, the government has decided to put all their scientific research money into increasing use of tabloid article comments. As a government spokesperson said, ‘time and time again the commentators on tabloid science articles have shown they think they know more than any scientist about any particular subject of scientific inquiry. We in government believe that, for example, in the Daily Mail Comments section contains a massive wealth of untapped…

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Getting the Story Going

‘Action!’ ‘What?’ ‘Action.’ ‘What are you talking about? This isn’t a film.’ ‘I know, but I thought….’ ‘Bloody hell.’ ‘What?’ ‘You’re not one of those writers who thinks are you?’ The protagonist peered out of the page. ‘This,’ he glanced around nervously, ‘isn’t going to be literary is it?’ ‘What? No, of course not. Literary? Whatever gave you that idea?’ The protagonist shrugged, then remembered. He checked the safety catch and holstered his pistol. He’s been the protagonist in someone else’s story where a gun had gone off accidentally. 450 pages of being chased through a dense forest, across rivers.…

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