Category: Law And Order

Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making

Still, I suppose you know what llamas are like. Most people these days have at least some familiarity with what was once regarded as exotic wildlife - at least in places far from their natural habit – through the medium of the TV nature documentary. Although, even these days, there are still some people who are surprised by the llama’s natural antipathy towards any form of bureaucracy. Many wildlife programme-makers have been somewhat lax in this regard, and not just with llamas. Often, they prefer to fill their programmes with sweeping panoramas of herds migrating across the great plain in…

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The Philosophy of Bacon Sandwiches

‘Each donkey is unique in its own way. Then again so is each mandolin. However, approaching the wrong donkey with the wrong mandolin is not recommended. Nor – for that matter - is approaching the right donkey with the wrong mandolin.’ As many of those who have studied philosophy will recognise, those are the words of the great post-neo-realist prephenominalistional philosopher Bert ‘Bert’ Presupposition. Not only did Presupposition come up with what is undoubtedly the greatest examination of the complex relationship between donkeys and mandolins in the whole of philosophy, he also claimed with evidence to back up his claim,…

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The Shadow Dancer

Sadjil was a Shadow Dancer. We met – if met is the right word – one night back in the Year of the Green Death. I was walking the streets unable to sleep. I’d lost my ability to dream after a bout of the sickness that bought the Green Death. Without my dreams to sell I had no money left to buy a place to sleep, and since the Green Death had taken my wife and children I had no wish to call any place home. I walked both the days and the nights in that part of the city…

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When the Law came to Town

Straddle Banjodisaster rode into town on his organic free-trade bicycle. Or, at least, he would have if the tyres made from recycled newspapers had not got damp when he peddled too close to a puddle and the tyres washed away down the road. So he pushed his bicycle along the pavement, next to the busy dual carriageway, sneering at every single occupancy vehicle that came past. He was more than a little disconcerted to see there was not even a bus lane, let alone a Park and Ride facility, or any other mass transit system in operation. But this was…

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The History of Politics

Back then, no-one expected it to last. At least, they thought we would not have quite as much of it as we have now. Back in those early days of civilisation, people expected that politics would be kept behind closed doors where it belonged. They assumed that decent people would do their best to avoid politics as best they could, and - only if necessary – would they have to soil their hands with it, and then as little as possible. In those days too, many assumed that only men would engage in the sordid necessity of politics. Women, they…

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The House of Ill-Repute

‘So, what can I do for you… gentlemen?’ The woman stood arms folded just inside the doorway. Sergeant Henk looked over his shoulder. The rest of the squad sidled away from the doorway towards the corner of the street. Sergeant Henk glanced over his other shoulder. ‘Sir?’ ‘What now, Henk?’ The new captain sauntered across the road from under the tree where he was sheltering to keep the rain off his new breastplate. The captain’s armour shone, even in the flickering light from the torches outside the house. Mrs Granch… er… the lady of the house wants to know what…

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Rural Policing

As any admirer of crime fiction will no doubt be aware, the English Rural landscape is often used as a background for murder mysteries and other such nefarious goings-on. However, the reality in places like Little Frigging is far more mundane, with our local Little Frigging village policeman, PC Ghonnemadd, rarely called upon to get his truncheon out in the course of his duties. Except, of course, when requested by one of the ladies of the village who feels herself in need of the strong arm of the law to help her overcome her current predicament, perhaps – for example…

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Space Junk

It was another one of those things. Drenk sighed. This would need more than a formal warning when she got there. This made seven she’d counted in this sector alone. Analysis had shown their trajectories all mapped back to the same originating planet. Drenk hoped a warning not to launch any more of their litter into space would be enough. But now as she drew closer, she was outraged to discover that not only were they littering the space lanes with their junk they were also polluting the radio wavelengths with their… well, noise pollution was the phrase that sprung…

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Another Morning in the Sun Empire

‘Mornings.’ The emperor looked out from his palace balcony at the city below. ‘Your majesty?’ Pelgrin sighed. It wasn’t going to be one of those days, was it? The emperor had once glanced at a couple of pages in a book and therefore occasionally fancied himself an intellectual. The emperor turned as if he was about to impart some great pearl of wisdom, but - in turning – he must have forgotten what he was about to say. Pelgrin exhaled in relief. The last thing the Sun Empire needed was an emperor who believed he knew what he was doing,…

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Lost in the Woods

For a long time, all Seka had known was dark, loneliness and fear. Now they were taking her to the stake in the village centre. ‘I’m going to fall, stumble on this uneven ground, soon,’ Glom, one of her guards, and an old friend of her father, whispered in her ear as he helped drag her towards the stake piled high with dry wood that would burn easily. Seka looked down at the smooth dusty ground worn flat and hard by many generations of villagers. ‘I’ll probably stumble into Henk, and we’ll both let go of you,’ he continued, the…

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