Category: Ideology

Llamas and Bureaucracy – A Crisis in the Making

Still, I suppose you know what llamas are like. Most people these days have at least some familiarity with what was once regarded as exotic wildlife - at least in places far from their natural habit – through the medium of the TV nature documentary. Although, even these days, there are still some people who are surprised by the llama’s natural antipathy towards any form of bureaucracy. Many wildlife programme-makers have been somewhat lax in this regard, and not just with llamas. Often, they prefer to fill their programmes with sweeping panoramas of herds migrating across the great plain in…

Continue reading →

The Philosophy of Bacon Sandwiches

‘Each donkey is unique in its own way. Then again so is each mandolin. However, approaching the wrong donkey with the wrong mandolin is not recommended. Nor – for that matter - is approaching the right donkey with the wrong mandolin.’ As many of those who have studied philosophy will recognise, those are the words of the great post-neo-realist prephenominalistional philosopher Bert ‘Bert’ Presupposition. Not only did Presupposition come up with what is undoubtedly the greatest examination of the complex relationship between donkeys and mandolins in the whole of philosophy, he also claimed with evidence to back up his claim,…

Continue reading →

21st Century Political Theory

Parkingspace Bewlideredswan is probably the world’s leading 21st-century political theorist. Political Science up until the middle of the Twentieth Century assumed that there was some point to politics. However, as events in the late 1970s proved, Left Wing political theories although they did sound nice, never did or could work. Alternatively, it was demonstrated over the following few decades that Right Wing political policies only buggered things up in different ways to those inept policies from the Left. As more and more people realised that politics was at best useless and at worse caused more harm than good, many decided…

Continue reading →

When the Law came to Town

Straddle Banjodisaster rode into town on his organic free-trade bicycle. Or, at least, he would have if the tyres made from recycled newspapers had not got damp when he peddled too close to a puddle and the tyres washed away down the road. So he pushed his bicycle along the pavement, next to the busy dual carriageway, sneering at every single occupancy vehicle that came past. He was more than a little disconcerted to see there was not even a bus lane, let alone a Park and Ride facility, or any other mass transit system in operation. But this was…

Continue reading →

Balancing the Budget

‘Ma’am?’ ‘Yes, What is it?’ Queegella did not look up. It was the end of the tax year and her department’s budget for the next fiscal year needed finalising. She looked up now. Hellitron stood in the doorway. Maybe Queegella thought, there was a cost saving there in her doorway. She made a note. ‘Ma’am?’ he repeated. ‘This better be important, Hellitron.’ He swallowed, at least his left head did. His right head glanced nervously over his shoulder. ‘I… we think it is… important, that is.’ ‘And?’ She tapped a claw on the desk. Hellitron was pretty, though, and she…

Continue reading →

Jehovah’s Perverts

It happens usually about once a month or so with all the inevitability of a drunken celebrity appearing in the tabloid headlines. There you are going about your normal daily business, maybe oiling your sex spatulas or ritually polishing your perversion tandem when there comes a knock on your doorbell. Maybe you are expecting a rather bulky package in plain wrapping from a specialist supplier (online only), so you open the door, expecting the postman, only to be confronted by THEM! "Good morning, sir! Have you ever thought that the world would be a much better place if only people…

Continue reading →

Olympic Level Cheese Ignoring

Spigot Tremblehammer is probably the world’s leading exponent of the ancient art of cheese ignoring. Although there are still several professional and semi-professional cheese ignoring leagues throughout the world (and Canada), many sports fans often overlook it. However, all that is set to change now that the Olympic committee has confirmed that cheese ignoring will be – only for the second time – included in the Olympic games. That is providing the Olympic organisers can find a city daft enough to stump up the eye-bleeding sums necessary to host the next games. Of course, cheese ignoring was all set to…

Continue reading →

Tessellation on Tax

Binary Tessellation is the emeritus professor of Difficult Sums at the University of Clacton. Although, to many he is better known as the bloke off the telly who knows stuff about numbers. Not only has he written a best-selling book on why numbers matter, he has also advised governments of all political persuasions on why they are always getting their sums wrong. For not only is politics show business for ugly people it is also maths for people who can’t add up to twenty even with both their socks off. As Tessellation himself points out ‘it ought to be quite…

Continue reading →

The Mystery of Politics

Of course, one of the greatest mysteries of the history of human civilisation is discovering just why humanity succumbed to politics. Many philosophers have theorised that there must have at one point in early human history be a civilisation that was entirely free of this debilitating disease. Herbert Von Tinkletool the great German post-predisunstructuralist historian once wrote that ‘there must have been a period, much similar to the medieval age’s Black Death, where the societies that were free of politics somehow became infected with this disease that has plagued all human societies since.’ However, some argue that politics has always…

Continue reading →

Crop Circles

‘Sshh, they’ll hear,’ Shala hissed. ‘Sorry.’ It had seemed like a good idea back in the Inn, as do many such ideas. But the ropes and the planks were awkward to carry. ‘Are you sure this is wise?’ Shala looked worried now. I could see the doubt in her eyes in the moonlight. The moonlight got brighter, and then it wasn’t moonlight any longer. ‘Oh shi… Dad… Father… my lord.’ I would have dropped to my knees, but the planks were in the way. I managed to pick up the rope I’d dropped though. ‘What’s going on, boy?’ He looked…

Continue reading →