Category: arts

The Theory of Pie

In the past, people often thought the universe was unchanging and eternal… at least until the invention of the pie. Philosophers, after Plato, thought this world was somehow an imperfect copy of some ideal existence. This world was a mere shadow cast on the cave wall, of the perfect world. But as Francis Bacon discovered centuries later in one of his earliest true scientific experiments, putting pasty around some meat changes everything. Although, the Greek philosophers, notably Heraclitus, had first noted that people rarely wanted to eat the same meal twice in a row. So, shoving some meat, veg and…

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The Philosophy of Bacon Sandwiches

‘Each donkey is unique in its own way. Then again so is each mandolin. However, approaching the wrong donkey with the wrong mandolin is not recommended. Nor – for that matter - is approaching the right donkey with the wrong mandolin.’ As many of those who have studied philosophy will recognise, those are the words of the great post-neo-realist prephenominalistional philosopher Bert ‘Bert’ Presupposition. Not only did Presupposition come up with what is undoubtedly the greatest examination of the complex relationship between donkeys and mandolins in the whole of philosophy, he also claimed with evidence to back up his claim,…

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No More Stories

It used to be so easy. I would find the women. I would discover their closely-guarded secret. Then I would weave a story around that one thing they desired more than anything else. I would tell them the story I’d made for them. They would show their gratitude, happy someone had come along into their lives and shown them something beyond their small world. It was easy travelling from village to village, making up stories to tell to those who needed to hear them. Being a mere storyteller meant that the outlaws ignored me, at least until they needed someone…

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How Cheese Made Civilisation Possible

Many people these days are familiar with how evolutionary psychology has shaped the human mind. For back in the early years, when humans were small groups of hunter gatherers, there was little or no naturally occurring cheese to be found. Those who did discover the natural cheese deposits began to mine it and develop the various stone tools that archaeology has shown were used to mine the cheese. Although rather primitive by today’s cheese mining technology, those early stone tools enabled many of these small bands of hunter-gatherers to settle in places where the cheese could be mined. Originally, archaeologists…

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The Naked Gardener

Now world-famous for trimming her bush live on BBC3.142’s Naked Gardening, Herbaceous Seedling has become a horticultural media sensation. Countless millions of viewers have watched her uncanny prowess with handling a dibber on web video Sites. Her naked gardening DVDs have outsold not only the top-selling porn DVDs but also the recordings of semi-naked actors doing a bit of sweaty scything in historical dramas set in Cornwall. Many TV critics have put Seedling’s success down to the way her buds are always perky during filming, and how she holds the camera’s attention even when bending down for a bit of…

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About The Weather

There are times when outdoor, or field, perversions become somewhat problematical. I am sure, by way of example, you are all too familiar with what can happen with weasel liver oil when diluted by water, which makes it unsuitable to use as a lubricant, or other unguent, during a downpour. If there is heavy rain in prospect during your field perversions then I would suggest you equip your perversion utility belt with badger spleen oil, rather than the more usual – for outdoor perversions, that is – weasel liver oil. It is also wise – and here I speak from…

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Charabanc Trip

Now then, it seems that some of you have not filled out and returned your application forms for this year’s annual weekend trip to the Naughtie Islands. As you know every year, we here at Little Frigging organise a charabanc trip to the Naughtie Islands for one of their Infamous Perversion Weekends at Castle Frottage, on the coast of Loch Munch on South Naughtie Island. There we can all take part in a full weekend of role-play games of fully-immersive perversions, and we don’t even have to provide the cream cakes, or even the ladle. Although, those of you who…

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The More Advanced Fruit-Based Sexual Perversions

We have mentioned fruit-based perversions before, but for those wishing to further their understanding of these more esoteric deviations today we are going to examine some of the more advanced fruit-based sexual perversions. Such deviations as the Loganberry Run and the Strawberry Feel are, quite evidently, more for the summer months. This is especially so in the case of the Loganberry Run where the loganberry bowler will need a long run up before bowling the loganberries. That is if the receiver is to get the full erotic benefit from the event. With the Strawberry Feel, of course, the long light…

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A Surfeit of the Middle Ages

Although born in the late Middle-Ages, Palfrey Surfeit became one of the most famous proto-scientists and artists of his – and all – time. Surfeit astounded the scholars of the period when he discovered that women were naked under their clothes. He also proved the moon was not actually made of the navel lint of angels as was commonly believed back then. The natural scientists of the time, following Aristotle, were aware that there were - in theory - such things as naked ladies. After all, they believed the first woman, Eve, was naked in the Garden of Eden. But…

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Magic in the Air

‘There is,’ she said, ‘magic in the air.’ I looked up at her. I was lying in the bed, sheets thrown back. Giella was sitting up, naked, looking down at me with a serious expression on her face. ‘What?’ ‘I mean it.’ ‘Of course you do.’ I smiled. Ever since I’d arrived in the South Islands I’d heard people talking of magic, what it could do and who could do it. Of course, back in the Sun Empire we had people who claimed they could do magic, real magic that is not the conjuring tricks of the court entertainers. It…

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