The Darkest Days of History

Splendiferous Parkingspace first came to prominence in the UK during the 1980s. Nowadays, of course, the 1980s are officially regarded as the most boring decade in human history, even outclassing the Turnip Mania decade of the 1770s in many histories of the world. A period which – of course – ultimately led to the British War of Independence (1775–1783), when the nascent British Empire successfully managed to disentangle itself from one of its more embarrassing colonies.

However, despite the terrible fashions and unfortunate hairstyling’s of the 1980s, from which she was not entirely immune, Parkingspace herself is still regarded as a significant cultural figure, in spite of her having to share the cheap 1980s nostalgia programmes with the pop groups of the time. As we know, their songs even now can empty a dance floor faster than a severe case of explosive dysentery.

Parkingspace, of course, was above and beyond both fashion and the pop music scene, in that she styled herself as a cultural commentator.

Many people, of course, still see the TV column she wrote for several of the broadsheet newspapers as the height of critical understanding of popular culture. Most highly regarded is her review of the then inexplicably popular US soap opera, Dallas, where Parkingspace explained how the UK TV’s own rip-off… homage to the American version, Derby, was far more popular worldwide than the rather crass and shallow US show.

After all, as Parkingspace pointed out, Derby was a far more glamorous, exciting and happening city compared to anything the US had to offer at the time, including Dallas. This was mainly due to the burgeoning number of takeaways in Derby.

The soap opera centred on the fictional family, the Ramming family and the scheming first son, PJ Ramming, that supplied the Derby takeaways with their cooking oil.

That review in the Sunday Torpor said, these soaps are complete and utter bollocks and far less entertaining than watching paint dry. Although Parkingspace did receive several death threats for her trenchant dismissal of both Derby and Dallas, people in those days regarded the media as all a bit of a laugh.

Most people at the time did not take the media at all seriously. Unlike today where some deluded people inexplicably seem to believe both the media and the internet are both worth taking seriously.

More to the point, it was Parkingspace’s contention – now borne out by events – that the 1980s would go down as the worst decade in recorded history.

For this prescience, Parkingspace was much derided at the time. But to many people who suffered through that decade – and are still alive today – it remains a dark time in world history. Especially for those who still suffer trauma and flashback to those fashions of the time. Many do believe that they will never be able to get the dreadfulness of 1980s pop music out of their minds, or forget watching such horrors as Top of the Pops, during that era.

But as Parkingspace pointed out several times, after the 1960s and 1970s there was bound to be a time where all the gains of those decades would be met with an opposing force that would try to turn back the clock to a more reactionary era.

Although some historians may claim that the Dark Ages, or the Black Death, or the World Wars, were probably worse, most people who lived through the 1980s would insist otherwise.