The Great Trailer Mystery

Everyone knows that trailers ruin TV programmes by showing all the good bits and destroying narrative tension. For so long now, people have wondered why this happens, despite the number of times viewers have complained about both showing trailers and the ubiquity of them.

Many trailers only show all the good bits – for example, all the funny bits in an alleged ‘comedy’ programme. They also often spoil the programme they are attempting to advertise by showing too much of what happens in each forthcoming episode.

What is worse is the TV channels now routinely insert Coming Up Next Time, style trailers in or around the end credits of an episode of a TV programme. All too often ruining the dramatic tension set up by the just watched episode. For example, a character in the current episode spends most of its length in life-threatening danger and lies on the cusp of survival at the programme end.

Then, seconds later, in the next episode trailer, that character is up and running down corridors and escaping explosions apparently fully recovered. The utterly pointless trailer thereby destroys the very tension, interest and even excitement created by the current episode and its cliffhanger at the end of the current episode. The trailer is utterly pointless because those who watched and enjoyed the programme will want to watch the next episode anyway, where those that didn’t, won’t.

Some conspiracy theorists have maintained that this is a deliberate plot by the TV channels – under orders from a government already over-concerned about an overstretched health service. This theory claims that the government fears that too much drama, tension and uncertainty in the nation’s TV watching is dangerous. They worry it could cause heart attacks, anxiety problems and several other health threats that could stretch the health service beyond breaking point.

Others have wondered if there is someone in the various TV station scheduling departments in the pay of some hostile foreign government, a terrorist organisation or even the French. They fear some such fifth columnist is deliberately trying to destroy the nation from the inside by ruining everyone’s nightly televisual experience.

Some even claim that a consortium of entertainment venue operators: from theatre companies, restaurant chains and pub breweries are getting together to infiltrate their agents into the TV companies. There these agents will deliberately upset TV viewers and force them to seek other forms of entertainment away from their TV sets.

However, the most likely explanation for this otherwise mysterious, very pointless and deeply annoying habit of the TV stations to inject these unwanted trailers into the TV schedules is pure blackmail. The originators of this theory suggest that the actual trailer-making departments of the various TV stations are created solely to give employment to certain people.

Those people, the theorists claim, working in the TV industry, have in their possession a great deal of incriminating evidence about the unsavoury activities of those in charge at the various TV stations. These people must – therefore – be given well-paid jobs making these trailers; otherwise, they will reveal to the world what they know.

Many people agree that this is the only explanation that makes sense and why, despite all the complaints, the making and incessant showing of these programme trailers and other such irritants will never end.