Tag: fiction

Balancing the Budget

‘Ma’am?’ ‘Yes, What is it?’ Queegella did not look up. It was the end of the tax year and her department’s budget for the next fiscal year needed finalising. She looked up now. Hellitron stood in the doorway. Maybe Queegella thought, there was a cost saving there in her doorway. She made a note. ‘Ma’am?’ he repeated. ‘This better be important, Hellitron.’ He swallowed, at least his left head did. His right head glanced nervously over his shoulder. ‘I… we think it is… important, that is.’ ‘And?’ She tapped a claw on the desk. Hellitron was pretty, though, and she…

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On Knowing Where to Shove It

It was not easy. Although, it seldom is – as anyone who has been married for any length of time knows. Still, I did as she suggested and tried it. Perhaps there are some who go for that sort of thing. But, on the whole, I do not think I am one of them. Anyway, I thanked her for her suggestion and pointed out that it was not really an adequate resolution to the difficulty of the situation we found ourselves in. She gave me one of those looks, which suggested that if I have the audacity to question her…

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The Authorial Voice

‘Well?’ She stood, arms folded, staring at me. ‘Well, what?’ ‘You’re the author. You tell me.’ ‘Do I have to?’ ‘Yes. I would have thought you would know that.’ She looked around at the blank page behind her. ‘Could you describe a chair for me? I could do with a sit down.’ ‘Sorry. Yes, of course.’ I quickly described a deep comfortable brown leather sofa. ‘Ooh.’ ‘What?’ ‘The leather is a bit cold. Could I have some clothes as well?’ I began typing… then stopped. ‘What sort of clothes?’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Anything would do really.’ A knowing…

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The House of Ill-Repute

‘So, what can I do for you… gentlemen?’ The woman stood arms folded just inside the doorway. Sergeant Henk looked over his shoulder. The rest of the squad sidled away from the doorway towards the corner of the street. Sergeant Henk glanced over his other shoulder. ‘Sir?’ ‘What now, Henk?’ The new captain sauntered across the road from under the tree where he was sheltering to keep the rain off his new breastplate. The captain’s armour shone, even in the flickering light from the torches outside the house. Mrs Granch… er… the lady of the house wants to know what…

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Going Back Home

‘Oh, yes. I had one of those wizards in the back of my cart once.’ ‘Really?’ Grenk’s neck felt hot. He could tell the carter wasn’t impressed by wizards. Grenk was glad his official wizarding hat was in his travelling trunk, now balanced precariously on the load of… well, the load of whatever it was the carter was transporting. ‘Magic,’ the carter spat off to the side of the cart. ‘I mean... well, it ain’t natural is it?’ Grenk had slept through many classes on the philosophy and nature of magic back at the university. He felt that if he’d…

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After It Is All Over

‘Come here,’ Daniel said, folding her into his strong arms. They kissed as the flames engulfed Doctor Blowhard’s secret island headquarters.   THE END   ‘You can let me go now.’ She struggled out of his arms. ‘The book is over.’ Stella Honeythighs took a step back, away from him. ‘But I thought-‘ ‘I know what you thought. I could feel it pressing into me.’ Daniel glanced down at his own crotch. ‘Sorry. Only you know how he wrote me.’ ‘Yes. I do. Have you been eating garlic?’ She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘It was…

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Coffee Time

My coffee had almost gone. I glanced up and out of the café window. The snow was still coming down. I’d have to go out there soon, into the snow, back to the office. I couldn’t be late again, not twice in one week. She dropped into the chair on the opposite side of my table, dripping melting snow onto the tabletop, snow and ice forming small pools in the warmth of the café. ‘I made it,’ she said pulling her cap from her hair and letting the red curls fall around her shoulders. I smiled back politely and looked…

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Kindle Comedy Novel – The Dirty Book – 99p

The Dirty Book Available for 99p on Kindle for the next 5 days only: Amazon UK Amazon US ($1.34) Universal link   When his novel becomes a surprise bestseller, author Robert Block thinks all his problems are over… but they have only just begun. Robert Block wants to be a famous and successful published author more than anything else in the world. But none of his books ever gets a publishing deal. Now, his wife, Rachel, is tired of supporting him. She gives him a year to make a success of being a writer, or he must go back to…

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One Last Time Around

It was dark. Dark and wet. Although, by now the rain had stopped. It was chilly too, now that summer was turning slowly into winter. ‘It’s dark.’ ‘Yes,’ Signaur agreed. ‘And wet.’ ‘Yes.’ Signaur hissed. ‘I’m supposed to be being quiet.’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘It’s-‘ Signaur turned. ‘Who are you?’ He turned a bit more. ‘Where are you?’ ‘Ah.’ ‘Ah. What’s that supposed to mean?’ ‘It means,’ said the voice from somewhere in the shadows of the alleyway, ‘that it is not quite that simple.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Signaur peered into the darkness and saw more darkness. ‘Who are you?’ ‘That’s…

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Space Junk

It was another one of those things. Drenk sighed. This would need more than a formal warning when she got there. This made seven she’d counted in this sector alone. Analysis had shown their trajectories all mapped back to the same originating planet. Drenk hoped a warning not to launch any more of their litter into space would be enough. But now as she drew closer, she was outraged to discover that not only were they littering the space lanes with their junk they were also polluting the radio wavelengths with their… well, noise pollution was the phrase that sprung…

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