All the Reasons

Reasons. There were always reasons. Halput was sick of reasons. When it was dangerous, deadly or – often – stupid, there were reasons why it had to be done. When it looked like it was something that would help, save lives or – even - shorten the war, there were reasons why it could not be done. So, Helput and his men sat out in the rain, watching the damp gutter their fires. All wishing they were anywhere else but here. But they were here because there were reasons for them to be here and not any other elsewhere they

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Is Pole-Vaulting Considered a Sexual Perversion?

In the usual course of affairs pole-vaulting is not often considered to be one of the great, or noble, perverted arts. I would agree that in most cases this is an argument not without some foundation. However, I would also maintain that it is feasible to make a strong case for its utility in certain situations. In particular, the large-scale outdoor orgy, especially when the putative next partner named on your orgy card is some way off across the other side of the orgy field. Moreover, though, I would maintain one best not adopt that strategy for most indoor orgies,

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She Knows Darkness

Her name? Just the echo of some sounds in her mind. She is not even sure if she ever had a name. But everything has a name. He must have a name, even though he never speaks. The things he brings her to eat, drink, to clean herself – all of those have names even though at the moment she struggles to remember what they are called. She knows darkness. She and darkness became friends a long time ago when he kept her eyes hidden from the light. The word blindfold comes from somewhere deep within her mind where the

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A Lady’s Guide to Fetishes

Ladies, if, at one breakfast time, the man you love – or you, at least, tolerate for the time being - slaps down a photograph of a uniformed policewoman licking an ice cream, and then begins to pleasure himself into your half-empty breakfast cereal dish, it doesn’t – necessarily mean you are co-habiting with a fetishist, merely a fairly typical male. However, if he shouts out the names of TV motoring programme presenters during passionate lovemaking with an intensity that almost makes you drop a stitch in your knitting, then – in this case - you just may be sharing

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You Cannot Have a War Without Mud

The shadows creep across the end of the day like wounded crawling from the battlefield, knowing the dark night is catching them up. Once the darkness takes them, they know they will never see the light again. Sometimes, though, especially in the cold grey mists of morning, it does feel like we have lived too long. Sometimes the thought of that eternal darkness is welcoming, especially in the cold, the rain and the mud. Sometimes, too, it seems like you cannot have a war without mud. Although Jagar has said, there are lands across the Silver Sea, beyond even the

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Inter-Village Orgy League: Match Report

We are now approaching the halfway point in this year's Upper Thyghspreader Inter-Village Orgy League. I am pleased to say that our Little-Frigging in the Wold team is in a very strong position in the top six, just 7 points, one submission and a confused mallard duck behind the league leaders, Titten-Growper. We are capable of moving up to third place if we can score at least 3 touchdowns and a multiple orgasm against Morningwood-in-the-LowerBack next Saturday. However, despite this, our last match - against 10th placed Much Piddling - didn't quite go as predicted in the Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold Gleaner. Their

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The Door into the Stories

I was frightened. We all were. They say the waiting is the hardest part, and that is true. We all were too scared to think, to hope to dream, to fear. You hear rumours, of course. But back in the Learning, they told us it did not matter what we felt, whether we hoped, dreamed or feared. They say what is waiting for us out there does not depend upon us. They say all our stories are different, but we do not choose them. Still, as you wait and wait, it is hard not to brood on these things. Just

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Celebrity Wardrobe Malfunctions

Recently the world of entertainment has been rocked by reports of the increasing problem of celebrity wardrobe malfunctions. For example, there was an incident at the last Oscars ceremony where celebrities gathered to give each other meaningless statuettes. The assembled stars - and the fans who had come along to gawp at them - were shocked to hear that the world’s leading film star, Pumpkin Dropincentre, would not be appearing at the award ceremony that night. Apparently, earlier that evening, as Pumpkin Dropincentre prepared to select which designer dress she would promote that night, the door fell off her wardrobe.

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When the Snow Wipes the World Clean Again

It makes you wonder, Marie thought. Sometimes the world out there is stranger than it ought to be. Sometimes, it seems as though this is not the same world you remember. Sometimes it feels as though overnight everything you thought you knew and understood about this world has been taken away and replaced with something that no longer makes any sense. Marie turned back from the window. She shivered and pulled the dressing gown tight around herself. Outside it must have snowed again after he left. The tracks of his footprints were now just slight ridges in the snow down

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Fruit-Based Perversions

Oranges are not the only fruit useful for perversions. A raspberry placed with care and accuracy on a cake shop manageress can often be very rewarding indeed. As can – of course – red seedless grapes arranged, in either series or parallel, on the postmistress of your choice. As for pomegranates and librarians… well, that almost goes without saying. Old Feebletrousers himself swears by* that good old standby, the tin of pineapple rings (either in fruit juice or syrup – it doesn’t really matter that much). The pineapple rings have also turned out to be very useful in the village

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