The Naked Pogo Stick Steeplechase

Summer is, at last, in the air and so it is time for all the denizens of Little Frigging to dust off our pogo sticks and meet on the village green for the first of this year’s Naked Pogo Stick Steeplechases. This year we should have several good races as we have been promised a good summer by the weather forecasters. Even Old Feebletrousers has been quite upbeat about it, even his divinations utilising his myriad ancient danglings have meant his prognostications have turned positive about the prospects for this summer. A decent naked pogo-stick steeplechase – of course –…

Continue reading →

Free Kindle Novel: Juggling Balls – a Science Fiction Comedy

Available FREE for the next Five days Juggling Balls is available here (UK link) or here (universal link)  Juggling Balls A Science Fiction Comedy  Martin Laws hates mysteries. So why has someone sent him a bag of juggling balls? Why has he no memory of buying a new computer? Why has that new computer decided Martin needs to go shopping? Why does a hairstylist he's never met before keep saluting him? Most of all, why are so many Elvis impersonators trying to kill him? Juggling Balls - a science fiction comedy - featuring time travel, mind control implants and a future…

Continue reading →

The House of Ill-Repute

‘So, what can I do for you… gentlemen?’ The woman stood arms folded just inside the doorway. Sergeant Henk looked over his shoulder. The rest of the squad sidled away from the doorway towards the corner of the street. Sergeant Henk glanced over his other shoulder. ‘Sir?’ ‘What now, Henk?’ The new captain sauntered across the road from under the tree where he was sheltering to keep the rain off his new breastplate. The captain’s armour shone, even in the flickering light from the torches outside the house. Mrs Granch… er… the lady of the house wants to know what…

Continue reading →

Rural Policing

As any admirer of crime fiction will no doubt be aware, the English Rural landscape is often used as a background for murder mysteries and other such nefarious goings-on. However, the reality in places like Little Frigging is far more mundane, with our local Little Frigging village policeman, PC Ghonnemadd, rarely called upon to get his truncheon out in the course of his duties. Except, of course, when requested by one of the ladies of the village who feels herself in need of the strong arm of the law to help her overcome her current predicament, perhaps – for example…

Continue reading →

Going Back Home

‘Oh, yes. I had one of those wizards in the back of my cart once.’ ‘Really?’ Grenk’s neck felt hot. He could tell the carter wasn’t impressed by wizards. Grenk was glad his official wizarding hat was in his travelling trunk, now balanced precariously on the load of… well, the load of whatever it was the carter was transporting. ‘Magic,’ the carter spat off to the side of the cart. ‘I mean... well, it ain’t natural is it?’ Grenk had slept through many classes on the philosophy and nature of magic back at the university. He felt that if he’d…

Continue reading →

A Historical Bent

Those of you of a historical bent will no doubt be aware that these days you can get an ointment for it. Not only that, you will no doubt be familiar with the legend of Lady Godiva of Coventry. However, you may not be aware of a similar historical figure from the annals of the history of Little Frigging in the Wold that we have just made up in order to attract more tourist and their money that recent research in the History Department (formerly the chicken shed) at the University of Little Frigging recently uncovered. Here we speak of…

Continue reading →

After It Is All Over

‘Come here,’ Daniel said, folding her into his strong arms. They kissed as the flames engulfed Doctor Blowhard’s secret island headquarters.   THE END   ‘You can let me go now.’ She struggled out of his arms. ‘The book is over.’ Stella Honeythighs took a step back, away from him. ‘But I thought-‘ ‘I know what you thought. I could feel it pressing into me.’ Daniel glanced down at his own crotch. ‘Sorry. Only you know how he wrote me.’ ‘Yes. I do. Have you been eating garlic?’ She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘It was…

Continue reading →

Use Of the Barn

During the traditional British summer, it is often the case that the frequent drizzle gives way to actual rain. For those who do not wish to partake of fully-moistened perversions then it is advisable to gather all ones accoutrements together and repair to some place more suitable, and – hopefully – drier. Traditionally, in the suburban and urban environments the bedroom has often been the location of choice in such an eventuality. However, those of us who reside in the country have often made more use of the barn. For not only does it provide plenty of straw, and -…

Continue reading →

Coffee Time

My coffee had almost gone. I glanced up and out of the café window. The snow was still coming down. I’d have to go out there soon, into the snow, back to the office. I couldn’t be late again, not twice in one week. She dropped into the chair on the opposite side of my table, dripping melting snow onto the tabletop, snow and ice forming small pools in the warmth of the café. ‘I made it,’ she said pulling her cap from her hair and letting the red curls fall around her shoulders. I smiled back politely and looked…

Continue reading →

Advanced Sexual Perversions – Lesson 1

Now, if you first tether the donkey 73.25 degrees widdershins of the last tupping shed to the left (facing North), then you can apply the parsnip, gently in a clockwise motion until it is fully seated. Then – and only then – you can take a firm grasp on your rod and manipulate it until you can detect its twitchings. By then, of course the young lady should have finished dressing herself up as a supply geography teacher. She should be almost ready to apply the lubrication to the leather elbow patches on her jacket. When it is precisely 14…

Continue reading →