After It Is All Over

‘Come here,’ Daniel said, folding her into his strong arms.

They kissed as the flames engulfed Doctor Blowhard’s secret island headquarters.

 

THE END

 

‘You can let me go now.’ She struggled out of his arms. ‘The book is over.’ Stella Honeythighs took a step back, away from him.

‘But I thought-‘

‘I know what you thought. I could feel it pressing into me.’

Daniel glanced down at his own crotch. ‘Sorry. Only you know how he wrote me.’

‘Yes. I do. Have you been eating garlic?’ She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

‘It was that meal with Blowhard where I revealed myself as the secret agent about to thwart his plans. It was a curry. A rather good one.’

‘So you were up there wining and dining while I was chained up down in the dungeon with those two lecherous guards…. I see.’

‘Oh, come on. You knew I’d stage a last minute rescue.’ He grinned. ‘And the humorous way I dispatched those two guards.’

‘Humorous?’

‘Well, I thought the quip was funny.’

‘You would.’ Stella strode away from him across the beach, back towards the flaming ruins of the secret headquarters.

‘Where are you going?’ Daniel stood, feeling the waves lapping around his ankles. It was a perfect moonlit night, Ideal for sex on the beach. If this were the film, the final shot would be the two of them lying entwined on the beach together with Stella showing just how grateful she was to the hero for saving her.

‘I have a date,’ she called back over her shoulder.

‘A date?’ Daniel rushed to catch her up.

As they arrived back at the ruined headquarters, the flames petered out now they were no longer part of the description. A charred wooden beam tumbled from a heap of ash. Doctor Blowhard emerged, wiping dust from his dinner jacket. He looked up.

‘Ah. Mister Brewer. We meet again.’

Daniel grimaced. He hoped he would have a more dynamic name in the subsequent drafts. Daniel Brewer sounded like a junior accounting clerk. He turned to Stella. ‘A date? Not with him?’ He jerked his thumb towards the doctor.

Stella laughed. ‘No.’ she faced the doctor. ‘No offence.’ She turned back to Daniel. ‘He is too old for me, don’t you think? You’re a bit on the mature side yourself, come to that.’

‘Well, I have quite an involved backstory.’ Daniel was getting tired. He hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep for about 15 chapters. That was the trouble with being both a secret agent and a suave sexy hunk. There was a lot of night work. It took it out of you, especially if you were getting on a bi… of a mature outlook and years.

‘Who then?’

The pile of rumble trembled and shook. Handjob emerged, throwing one of the charred beams aside as he strode from the ruins. The charred beam bounced off the head of a jungle cat that had come to investigate now the narrative had ended. It fell unconscious to the jungle floor.

‘Him?’ Daniel pointed.

‘Yes.’ Stella Honeythighs stood hands on hips. ‘I think he is sexy.’

‘But he has the IQ of a tree stump.’

Over in the pile of rubble Handjob was sorting through a heap of ruins. He found his other arm, which had been blown off in the explosion that had killed him. He tried to work out how to reattach it to the rest of himself. He looked up. ‘Could someone give me a hand, or at least help me look for my old one?’

‘I’m coming, darling,’ Stella called as she ran to meet him.

Daniel turned to Blowhard.

Blowhard shrugged. ‘Women. Eh?’

Daniel shook his head.

‘Anyway, I must be off.’ Blowhard looked up as a helicopter descended towards them. ‘I have a new role. Another master villain…. Still it is steady work trying to rule the world even if I do get killed off more often than not.’ He took Daniel’s hand in his. ‘Bye. I hope we can work together some time in the future… perhaps a sequel?’

Daniel watched the helicopter fly away and then turned back to see what Handjob was doing with his recently reattached hand. Stella seemed to be enjoying it.

Daniel sighed and sat on the damp beach sand wondering how long he would have to wait for that sequel.

 

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