Olympic Level Cheese Ignoring

Spigot Tremblehammer is probably the world’s leading exponent of the ancient art of cheese ignoring. Although there are still several professional and semi-professional cheese ignoring leagues throughout the world (and Canada), many sports fans often overlook it. However, all that is set to change now that the Olympic committee has confirmed that cheese ignoring will be – only for the second time – included in the Olympic games. That is providing the Olympic organisers can find a city daft enough to stump up the eye-bleeding sums necessary to host the next games.

Of course, cheese ignoring was all set to be the great Olympic breakthrough of the 1940 games, at least until what later became known as the Gorgonzola incident. There the members of both the Italian Fascist cheese ignoring team and the German Nazi cheese ignoring team both conspired to not ignore a portion of Polish Oscypek cheese. Both Axis teams claimed it was part of the greater German nation of cheeses.

Since then cheese ignoring was rather unfairly tainted as a sport. However, the fall of the Berlin wall resulted in several hitherto secret documents coming to light. These documents revealed that the entire incident was manufactured as part of the Hitler-Stalin pact of 1939. A part of the pact was intended to divide all of the great European cheeses into two areas of German and Soviet dominated cheese regions.

Since this revelation, the sport of cheese ignoring has grown from strength to strength, especially after the BBC managed to secure the rights to both the Cheese ignoring Premier league and the Cheese Ignoring Cup. The BBC now shows two or three premier league cheese ignoring matches a week as well as occasional cup specials, sometimes getting audiences in the millions unknown for a terrestrial broadcaster since the days of the Morecombe and Wise Christmas specials.

Some of the UK’s cheese ignoring teams, such as the Lincoln Whey Tossers and the Norwich Cheeseboarders now have international fans in many countries around the world.

Cheese ignoring superstars like Spigot Tremblehammer have become worldwide superstars. Consequently, she is eagerly sought after by the world’s leading brands as an advertising icon.

Tremblehammer shot to worldwide fame when a YouTube clip of her ignoring a slice of Smoked Applewood Cheddar became the most downloaded cheese ignoring video of all time. Many cheese ignoring fans compared her skill and dexterity in the elbows to the heyday of the greatest cheese ignorer of all time. Stan ‘Stan’ Collywobbler of the Nuneaton Trilobites. He is most famously remembered for his role in the English national team where he scored a hat trick of moves to successfully ignore a slice of Wensleydale, a round of stilton and a compete edam in the 1956 World Cup final against an – until then – unbeaten Hungarian side.

Spigot Tremblehammer has therefore now become the new face of cheese ignoring. Many now hope that it is through her natural cheese ignoring abilities that the sport will – once again – become the most popular sport in the world. Perhaps even – in time – the sport of cheese ignoring will take over in popularity from the world’s current favourite sport All Nude Chicken Intriguing.

 

2 Replies to “Olympic Level Cheese Ignoring”

  1. deanharkness says:

    My dad played for the Norwich Cheeseboarders 🙂

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